Dating Safety Tips

At the same time, we know that not everyone has the same motives as you. Ick. Sorry. Sometimes, people pretend to want a relationship when they are really after a hook up. Sometimes people are hurt and they do not know how to be healthy and safe. At worst, some people are abusive. 

Here are some safety fundamentals that help me stay safe when I am meeting a new person while dating.

After matching and chatting on an app for 48 hours, I ask for a date with the new person. I sometimes chat: is there anything else you need to know about me before deciding to ask me on a date? This will usually lead to an invite.

Green flags: they ask for a low-key meet up within the week ahead. They can also ask to take me for a meal.

Red flags: A person is too busy for a date. To me, that means they just like chatting online for fun. If they can’t make a date, they don’t have time for a relationship.

If they really are busy due to travel or something in the next week, I ask for a quick video call to say hello and check in. In this way, I can confirm they are real and that we have good communication. I use telegram app because it does not share my personal phone number.

Green flags: the match books and asks for a call.

Red flags: they still hesitate or don’t have time. 


Ask someone you trust to be your safety check in person while dating. Tell someone you trust that you are dating again and you ask them if they agree to be your contact person while you are going on first dates with new-to-you people. You will text them with the contact information of the person you are seeing and share your location when out on dates.

When at the date, you can go to your phone and text your safety person and tell your date: I am letting my friend know I arrived safely and I will text them back in an hour.

Green flags: Date says, that sounds like a great friend.

Red flags: Dates says, why do you do check in with someone?

Set a low-key meet up in public for the first meet. I meet at a cafe / bar a couple blocks from my house. In this way, if the person does not show up, I have not gone out of my way. If it is going well, there are many lovely options for a meal of bar hopping nearby. Before we move locations, I take out my phone and text my safety check in.

Green flags: date makes a nice comment. Or wants to take a photo together and send to your friend.

Red flags: date seems annoyed or asks why do you have someone tracking you?

Tip: I don’t overshare personal Information until I know someone. I hold off on giving my details like my address, workplace, or daily routines until I’ve built some trust.


If the date is going to move to intimacy, I ask about recent STI tests.

Green flags: They have been tested in last three-six months and they have test results on their phone to share, just like I do.

Red flags: no test results, conflicting answers, saying STI tests do not not apply to them for whatever reason.

If the date is moving to intimacy, I share my need to use condoms and barriers.

Green flags: condoms and barriers are great! Safe sex is sexy.

Red flags: The person does not use condoms or barriers.

Tip: Don’t Be Afraid to Leave. You don’t owe anyone anything just because you met up. You can walk away at any time. You don’t need an excuse—just go.

Are you ready to start dating and do you desire a coach to help you? I can be that person. Email me: dommeamster@gmail.com and we can hop on a call to see if I am the right coach for you. I especially love working with people who are interested in kink and BDSM dynamics, female led relationships, and polyamory.